I didn't know it was you
by pointmeeast
Summary: A chance meeting after a drunken night changes Harry's life forever! who knew Love could strike twice..
1. Chapter 1

Years had past since the war. I had hope that soon my life would gradually slip into some normalcy, that perhaps I would feel complete and hole. However as time progressed I failed to grasp hold of any form of it. I had grown too accustom to the choas of my adolescence, the complete and totally unpredictability of everyone and everything in it. I felt as if my entire world, my being was wrapped snuggly in this persona of a torchered hero, that I didn't know anything else. And while at the time I desperately wanted it all to settle I did not know that as it did I would miss it.

Silently I sat my eyes closed as I listening to the vibating humm of the florecent lighting that buzzed ever so loudly in my kitchen. It was some how soothing, a constant sound that had grown fond of. It was like an old friend that was just poping by to say hello. A secret smile played across my lips as I pictured the plesantries of a luminous lightbulb waddling through my flat. I had almost completely forgot that I had company that is until...

"Harry! Are you listening?" Ginnys voice ripped through me like a hot knife through butter.

"I..what, yah yellow!" I shouted nearly toppling from my chair. "Oh yes, um...Im sorry love you were saying?"

Ginny stared dumbfouned at me, her sleekly manicured eye brows arched quizically.

"Ok then, anways back to what I was saying." I could tell by the tone in her voice she was a bit put off by my lack of interest but none the less was steering onward. Typical Ginny I thought. "I was asking you what you thought of these invitations? There cute but are they too cute? Are they tacky or bold? or these ones, or those ones, or that one? what do you think?"

Now it was my turn to be perplexed. "I um.." Helpful Harry, real helpful I thought, but to tell the truth I didnt know what to think. Through out the weeks I had been accusted with every type of wedding invitation, napkin color, flower, cake and center piece it was all sort of bleeding together. There were nights I woke up in a cold sweat shouting not butter cream she said fondont! It was beging to really wear on a bloke.

"I think that one is nice." I said pointing to a simple black and red invite. Right way I knew I'd chosen wrong, Ginnys' face twisted into a face that read ew you smell that.

"Seriously? that one? but it's so boring. It doesn't even have the nice print that the others one have." She tilted her head side to side, her lips puckered as she examined it. "I don't think this ones it. It definatly does not express our couple style."she said as she tossed it into the no pile.

"Couple style? What in bloody hell is that?"

It seemed that ever since we announce the engagment 4 months ago Ginny had slipped into this strange wedding coma. Every day she was coming up with new bridal lingo, wedding style, couple wavelength, FOB, and MOB it was a bit maddening. I figured all I had to do was show up, but it wasn't going to be that easy. she was convinced in order for us to grow together we needed to share this expirence whether I liked it or not!

"Blimey Harry I've explained this to you already. Every detail implicates to our guest and family what type of couple we are and whether or not we will be happy together."

"Oh!" Just nod and smile Harry thats it be a good boy. "Yes I forgot, silly of me couple style."

"You don't care do you?"

(Crap! would I dare say no? Don't say it, dont you dare say it!)

"Well to tell the truth it all kind of looks the same." I couldn't stop my self. It was as if my brain had some how lost control of my mouth and all the word vomit I had been supressing had finally peaked and spilled all down my front.

"What I mean is..." Fix this! My head was reaching frantically for something to say.

"What you mean is you don't care about our wedding? Is that it?"

"No..no nooo, I mean yes I care, of course I care. I ment to say.." I had to choose my words wisely. "is maybe, now don't snap Ginny love okay? maybe it would be better if you were to ask Hermione or your mum to help you decide. Im sure they'd be much better than I would at this being women and all. They know what to expexct."

For a brief moment I thought I had paved over the mistake I made. (I was wrong!) Before I could say anything else Ginny slammed her hands on the kitchen table knocking off the stacks of bridal magazines that had been sitting there, causing a great tidel wave of happy face brides to scatter across the floor.

"Is that your way of weasling out of this Harry James POTTER? Ask HERMIONIE! Your MUM anyone but me right?" Like a deer in headlights I just sat there quietly watching her as she paced back and forth occasionally pausing to glare at me."I want your opinion I want your help. Im marring you not blood Hermione you stupid arse! Is that so hard for you to understand? This is setting in motion the rest of our lives together if we can't even agree on a blasted wedding invitation why are we getting married?"

I shook my head, "I don't know" The room went silent, even the perpentual humming of the light seemed to be holding its breath.

"You dont know?" She breathed her voice wavered on controlled calmness and out right anger."You are telling me this now? when we are a month away from our wedding!Why not four months ago when you asked me to marry you, or how about last year or the year before that? Why not when we first kissed? why did your wait this long to say you had doubts?"

I couldnt look at her. Everthing she was saying was right. I should have told her I wasn't ready. But how could I? Everyone we knew was anticipating this moment. It was the obvious step to take after being a couple so long. Did I really have a choice? Did I ever have one in anything I ever did? It was all so overwhelming. I felt like a pot of boiling water, every day I was getting hotter and hotter I was so close to boiling over, but I always seemed to quell the pot. But now, as I peered down at my shoes I knew I couldn't be what she needed me to be, and sadly I really didn't want to be. Taking a deep breath, I slowly drew my head up locking eyes on on Ginny. Her small slender frame shook as she wrapped her arms tightly around her self.

"I'm sorry." I whispered. It wasn't comforting, I knew that. If anything I was simply adding salt to her wounds, but I couldn't offer her anything else. I didn't want to hurt her more than I already was.

"Thats all?" Her voice broke as she spoke. "After years that's all you can say to me? Your sorry? You bastard!"

She reached for me, her hungry finger pressed eagerly against the sides of my face. Her eyes wild, searching for something she knew wasn't there. I could feel the warmth of her skin against mine, the smell of her lavender shampoo overwhelmed my senses. She looked misserable. I had to closed my eyes, I had to escape this. I tried to pull out of her grip, but it was no use, she just hung on tighter.

"I won't do this to you any more Ginny. Please, please let me go."

She shook her head."I won't, I can't" she had started to cry. "I love you."

"No,you don't." I said again trying to pry my self free once more. "You love the idea of being in love thats all. And I cannot give you anything close to that. Not when I don't even know what I want. Do you understand?"

Again she shook her head. Like a stuborn child she was refusing to listen to me. She was so consumed with what she thought was love that she would not let it go or perhaps could not let go. I had to make her understand even if it ment hurting her.

Gently I pulled her hands from my face."You are going to listen to me." I said trying to make my voice as kind as I could, and yet firm enought to let her know I was being serious. "I don't love you, Ginny."

Her breathing stopped, she didnt move. She just stood there staring back at me, her brilliant brown eyes like two deep pools blinking back tears.

"I don't love you!" I had to say it again. I had to keep saying it until she finally understood. "Ginny...I don't..."

"Your Lying." She spat her sadness slowling edging on maddness. "YOu've always loved me. You told me so the first night I gave my self to you remember? The night in the mountains when you and I were together laying naked underneath the stars? You looked over at me and told me you loved me...TELL ME AGAIN!" she moved closer extending her arms towards me.

"Ginny just stop!"I said blocking her advance. "I cannot do this. YOu have to get it through your thick head. I don't love you. I just couldn't be alone any more. I needed someone to hang on to, someone to help me get through things, to make me fill like everyone else. You were there and I took advantage of your feelings for me. I'd hoped that over time I'd fall in love with you and at times I thought I was, but I never did. I'm so sorry for hurting you. It wasn't suppose to be this way, not for us."

I wanted to reach out to her, to stroke her face gently to make her feel like I had so many years ago when we were young. Our lives just starting.  
>I smiled briefly remembering all that we have shared together.<p>

"It was a happy existance for a brief time. Everything, I thought was perfect, but it wasn't was it." I knew she wouldnt repsond but I waited just a moment before I continued on. "Tell me you didn't feel the change? The pulling away? The sleepless night? The countless excused to not come home. They were all there in big huge letters. Tell me you couldn't see them?"

This was horrible, the more I spoke the harder she cried, and the harder she cried the better I felt. It was all too messed up, but regardless I had to keep going. She had to be set free.

"Ginny!" I shouted causing her to jolt forward. "I used you and now I'm finished. I need you to get out of my flat!"

she shook harder her sobs over came her making her words no longer understandable.

"You can't, your lying...you love me...no..no..no...this isnt real...none of it...it just not happening."

Back and forth she rocked rambling on and on. It was truely terrible I could see I was diving her mad. I had to end it! Forcably I grabed her by her shoulders, trying to gather her fragmented sanity, I wrentching her towards me, staring coldly into her confused eyes.

"This is happening! YOU AND I ARE OVER! I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! GET OUT WHATEVER JUNK YOU HAVE AND GET OUT OF MY FLAT AND GET OUT OF MY LIFE! I WILL NEVER LOVE YOU!"

I let her go pushing her roughly towards the kitchen door before turning my back to her. I'd finally said it. As damaging as it was I finally let her go. My only hopes was that she'd be able to pick up her pieces and move on So that in time she could find someone who would love her the way she needed to be loved. The way I couldn't.I wasn't that person and no amount of prodding was going to make me that way.

I stood there, waiting for her to leave but instead I felt her lean her head on my back, her tiny hands gripping my shirt, her small frail voice whispering weakly to me one last time.

"I really wanted to be your wife, Harry. I was going to make you happy. Take your pain away. I was going to spend every day of my life making you smile. I loved your smile."She sounded so pittiful as she spoke it was heartbreaking to listen to. " I saw your sadness. I did...But I thought I could make it go away if I just loved you a little harder you would just stop hurting. I was wrong... It seemed the more I tried the more you were pulling away from me.I felt it. I was just ignoring it. I was stupid. I wanted you to forget everthing but me. I wanted to fix your heart. I guess I'm not strong enough to mend it. I wish I were. I wish I could make you love me the way I love you. Good bye Harry James Potter I'll always love you."

With that she let me go and I stood there, alone in my kitchen listening to the nothingness that had always been with me.


	2. Chapter 2

"Soooo, how are things?" Ron sat across from me, his mouth stretched in an unconvincing I'm so sorry for your lost smile but please understand im here for you sort of way. It was a bit off-putting however, I found the added glass of fire whiskey helped ease the uncomfortableness. Well for me at least.

Raising my glass in response I heaved down another shot letting the fiery liquid seeth down my throat. "Ugh yah that was good." I choked waving a hand to Rosemerta for another.

"I think you've had enough." Hermione said as she tried in vain to dismiss my request. "You've been drinking since eleven, Harry. What sort of person starts drinking that early in the day?"

"An Alcoholic!" I smiled.

And there they were, the arched eye brows, right on cue. I knew the moment those words left my lips that Hermione was not going to find them very amusing. Ron, on the other hand nearly choked on his own biscuit. I had to admit that while I was fully aware as to the severity of the situation, I wasn't in the slightest bit interested in the conversation that was going to ensue. It was almost nice that for a moment I could make light of everything and forget the real reason they were both here, staring at me.

"That isn't funny you know."

"I wasn't trying to be." I said casually. "I was Merely stating a fact is all."  
>(Tred softly harry your on dangerous grounds...)<p>

I wanted to listen to my brain, but the 12 drinks I had downed were drowning out all sense of reasoning leaving me with a whole lot of piss and vinegar.

"Well if that's the case, Harry." My name came out as sharp as steel. She defiantly was in no mood for my shenanigans.(crap!) "While we are stating facts I have a few you may be interested in."

Hermionie's eyes narrowed as she stared back at me. Her thin lips curved upward in an I dare you smile. The only thing I could think of was...

"Oh yeah?"

"OOOh Yeah." She breathed never taking her eyes from mine.  
>Ron sat there watching us anxiously like a little bird perched on ledge, waiting for the storm to start.<p>

"Well spit it out then, Mione. You didn't come all this way for nothing."  
>She didn't flinch, as soon as the challenge was called she ran right in. Thank bloody hell I was already drunk.<p>

"She's been a mess for weeks now, crying inconsolably, refusing to eat or leave the house. I had to beg her to even take a bath today...All she wants to do is stay in bed. And what are you doing, getting smashed...I don't understand why you won't go and talk to her."

She didn't understand? Of course she didn't. Ron and Hermione had been in love for years. There was no doubt in my mind that she'd ever comprehend what I was going through. All anyone could gather was I was making a huge mistake or that I had cold feet. Eventually I'd come around and realize that Ginny was the one I needed. Then we'd get married and live happily ever after. But the truth was I didn't want any of that, at least not with her. For a moment I sat quietly milling over everything Hermione had said to me.

"I understand what your saying to me, Monie."I signed "But, i'm just not going to do what you want just because you tell me to. Do I feel bad that she's hurting? Obviously, but I'm not going to pretend I didn't mean those things I said. I ment them!It just took me longer to finally have the courage to tell her. So if you would please just mind your own business!"

"My own business you say?" There was and edge in her voice. "I would gladly do that IF I didn't have my sister-in-law sobbing on the phone to me every night! For bloody sakes Harry! It's becoming everyones problem now. Ron and I are at our whits end. Aren't we love?"

She turned to look at her husband, gently touching his hand as away of prompting him to join the conversation.

"Um..." He didn't have any clue what to say. Poor Ronald was caught, blindsided in the cross fire of the drama. How I wished he'd just pull out and take Hermione with him, but that wasn't likely to happen.

"I think...Harry, it would be a good idea just to clear things up with my sister. I'm not exactly sure what was said between you two but i'm sure it could be resolved. I mean...you know you two have been...have known each other for so long. I'm positive you two could work this little bump out in your relationship if you'd go and speak with her. Right mate? Just a few little words might do the trick."

There it was again, the force smile. I hated when he did that, it made the whole situation so much more unbearable. I needed another drink. Raising my glass I let Rosemerta know I need one more. Maybe if I just filled my self up with so much liquor I wouldn't hear what they were saying. I'd just be come numb to everything around me. The sounds of everyone in the room, the clinking of glasses, the voices of the customers, the faces of my two best mates sitting across from me would all become blurred. That's what I wanted. For everyone to just melt away so I could figure out what I was going to do.

For a moment I sat there, my eyes closed rubbing my forehead, trying to gather my thoughts.

"Here you go Harry..."Rosemerta voice jolting me back to reality. A new glass of fire whiskey blazing in front of me. quickly I reached for it before Hermione had the chance to take it away.

"Thanks Rosie."I said taking a long drink from the glass. My green eyes beginning to feel heavy as I continued to fill my mouth with the burning liquid. Both Hermione and Ron staring at me. Hermiones arms crossed her chest, her small mouth tensed as she ever so slightly grinded her teeth.

"That's it! I've had enough of this Harry!" Hermiones voice carried throughout the room causing everyone to glance our way.

I figured that was coming. She was bound to lose her top eventually. Ron, on the other hand, seemed even more put out than usual. It was not uncommon for his wife to erupt at me but he knew this was an entirely different circumstance. Flustered he reached a tentative hand toward hers.

"Calm down darling...People are watching."

"I don't bloody well care Ronald! This buffoon's fiancé is blubbering at your mothers house and all he can do is toss more drinks down his gullet! Really! REALLY HARRY!"

I took another drink, watching as Ron tried to calm Hermione down. It wasn't likely to happen he was fully aware of that. Hell everyone in the entire tavern knew it was a lost cause. She was a mad hornet ready to sting. And I, on the other had, had just reached my boiling point!

"ENOUGH!" I shouted, slamming my glass to the table, causing Ron and Hermione to flinch slightly." I've had enough! You and everyone else assume I don't know what I'm doing and that this isn't hard for me. You assume it just some sort of game I'm playing with Ginny, but it isn't..."

Drunk or not I knew what I was saying was the truth. It didn't matter any more if they believed me. I would not continue to live my life the way everyone expected me to. For once I was going to do exactly what I wanted!

"Look, Hermione." I had to breath before I lost control. "I hear what your saying, but I can't do what your asking."

"Harry I... was just..."

I stopped her, raising my hand before she could utter another word.

" It's done...nothing you, Ron or anyone else says is going to make me change my mind. I've made a decision, and whether or not you think i'm making a mistake, its none of your business. You don't know how I feel or what I need and I want you to just stop...just stop and let it go."

I wasn't sure if she understood me, or even if she wanted to. In reality, her reality, I knew she wanted me to just go and make everything all better. It wasn't going to happen that way. Not right now it wasn't.

For several minutes they sat in silence, stunned but letting my words wash over them. Hermione blinking back tears trying to maintain her composure, which I could tell was completely crushed. Another casuality I had created. I was beginning to feel like I was a monster. Everyone that wanted to be apart of my life I was destroying.

"Ron, Please take Hermione home."

" I'm not done!" Before she could finish this time, Ron reached out for her. Taking Hermiones hand, gently into his own.

"Dear, we need to go home."

His voice was soft as he spoke to her. I couldn't help but smile as I watched them. They were living the life they were intended to live. Content with the path they had so willingly chosen to go down. I envied their happiness. And yet, as the room beginning to spin. Faster and faster. The alcohol gradually consuming me. I hated them...Because I could not be like that.

"Harry?"

I looked up, Hermione stood beside me. Her large brown eyes no longer held the contempt they had earlier, instead it was replace by love and concern.

"Do you need a ride home?"

"No," I shook my head, swaying unsteadily in my chair. "I'm not that far from home. I'll be okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes..." I smiled.

"Okay then."

Quickly, and before she could cry, she leaned down and kissed me on the cheek. Her soft lips felt cold against my skin. Again I smiled and whispered good bye before she turned away from me, Ron, nodded wrapping his arm around Hermione shoulders and ushering her out the tavern doors. I sat there a while longer, my head beginning to pound, my eyes starting closing.

"I think I need to go home..."

I tried to get up. I could feel the wieghtiness of my body as I struggle to move towards the door, bumping into tables and knocking over glasses as I went.

"I'm sorry..."I muttered finally making it out the door.

The cold winter air rushed towards me, briefly waking me out of my drunken stupor. A light dust of snow coated the ground giving everything the look of powdered sugar.

"Oh my God it's cold."

I pulled my jacket tighter around me as I continued to walk towards my house. My legs were becoming numb, my eyes started to close and soon I was falling until every thing went black...It's so cold I thought before passing out...


End file.
